Questions?

It happens frequently in my service as a mentor to school leaders.  They seek my help in dealing with a sticky situation, hoping that I may have a quick solution or a magic elixir.  As much as I would love to play the role of Merlin, I simply haven't developed those skills (yet).

But, my advice (and my modeling) to these help seekers always starts this way:  
Begin by asking questions.  And, ask those questions from a truly curious perspective.

Some dos of asking questions:

• Start with question stems like "What..." and "How..."
• Be fully present and attentive when asking. Ask, look, pause, listen.
• Use words or phrases you hear in their responses in your next questions.
• Counter feelings of anger/aggression with increased curiosity and openness.
• Nest all questions in a mindset of continuous improvement.
• Always thank others for helping you get a better grasp of the issue through their time, their input, and their thinking (whether you like what you heard from them or not).

Some don'ts of asking questions:

• Don't interrogate; gently inquire.
• Don't use "Why..." as the question stem.  (It sounds and feels judgmental.)
• Don't immediately jump to conclusions, start issuing directives, or make up new rules.
• Avoid divining solutions until you've asked several questions of several people.

Some benefits of asking questions:

• The better questioner you become, the better listener you'll become.
• Relational capital is directly proportional to curiosity prowess.
• Problems tend to house their own solutions, but only when we reflectively and collaboratively begin to dissect them.  Questions are the lab tools of dissection.
• Others almost always feel more valued when (honestly) asked for feedback, input, perspective, ideas, thinking. 
• Getting smarter is a by product of asking good questions.

Some sample questions:

• What do I need to know before tackling this problem?
• Who else should I talk to that can help me gain deeper insight into this issue?
• How might we proceed without creating additional burdens on others?
• What might I hear from Bob/Betty/So&So when I ask about this?
• What should I be asking that I haven't yet?
• What questions do you have for me?