RegretPower

 I recently read The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward by Daniel Pink (2022). 

My top takeaways:

• Healthy regret clarifies, instructs, lifts us up, makes us better.
• Regrets fall into four core categories: foundation regrets, boldness regrets, moral regrets, and connection regrets.
• Regret is better understood as a process, not a “thing.” (Verb, not noun.)
• Healthy regret may make us feel worse today, but better tomorrow.
• Regret’s three broad benefits: 1) sharpen our decision-making, 2) elevates our performance, and 3) strengthens our sense of meaning and connectedness.
• Regret deepens our persistence.
• We’re more likely to regret the chances we didn’t take than those we did.
• Hearing ourselves say “too much” or “too little” is a signal of Foundation Regrets.
• Intentional reflection on our regrets is fuel for our growth.
• Beliefs about morality across societies coalesce around five themes: Care/harm, Fairness/cheating, Loyalty/disloyalty, Authority/subversion, and Purity/desecration.
• If an important relationship is broken….place the call, make that visit, say what you feel. Initiate the mend.
• Self-disclosure builds affinity much more often than it triggers judgment.

My favorite quotes:

 

“One influential study found that roughly 95 percent of the regrets that people express involve situations they controlled rather than external circumstances.” (p. 22)

 

“All deep structure regrets reveal a need and yield a lesson.” (p. 129)

 

“George Vaillant, another Harvard psychiatrist, headed the Grant Study for more than thirty years. In an unpublished 2012 manuscript, he reflected on what he’d learned from the experience. After eight decades, hundreds of subjects, thousands of interviews, and millions of data points, he said he could summarize the conclusion of the longest-running examination of human flourishing in five words: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’” (p. 144)

 

“Regret depends on storytelling. We are both the authors and the actors. We can shape the plot but not fully. We can toss aside the script but not always. We live at the intersection of free will and circumstance.” (p. 209)

 

Dan Pink always makes me think. He takes me to unexpected places, and causes me to reflect deeply on my beliefs and my enactments. A very worthy read.

LeadershipEnergy

Business folks often talk in terms of Return On Investment (ROI). We sometimes refer to that concept as "bang for the buck." The bottom line is this: Resources are finite and almost always limited. That is especially true of human energy. 

Energy is in short supply. Personal energy is in short supply. Team energy is in short supply. Leaders' energy is in short supply.

With that "shortage" in mind, the best and wisest leaders I know are masters of directing their finite stores of energy. These smart, effective, influential, and impactful cookies do the following with remarkable diligence:

• They stay relentlessly focused on the VISION, the BIG PICTURE, the WHY of their lives and the organizations they lead. 
• They deliberately work at crafting a Culture of Continuous Improvement.
• They exhibit and demand from others consistent Respectful Behavior toward all stakeholders, both internal and external.
• They insist on constant examination of important metrics (aka meaningful and relevant data) and on having open and honest conversations around that data.
•  They work mightily to assemble and empower teams of folks who are smart, efficient, effective, attentive, and committed to excellence.

One of the biggest energy sucks on the planet is misdirected energy. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Excellain't

Excellence is a state, one that occurs when a person, team, organization, or community chooses to break out of the customary and usual way of doing things. It is always the result of choices made, choices to be different. 

Excellence is never accidental. It springs from a deep aspiration for betterness. Excellence -- whether in individual athletic performance or international business success -- emerges on the heels of deep commitment, high attention, and extraordinary discipline. Never is it the result of dumb luck or a flip of a coin.  

Excellence is not a permanent state. Even if achieved today, it can evaporate on us tomorrow. How in the world can that happen? 

Excellent turns into Excellain't when we become satisfied and/or comfortable. When our state of mind changes from how-can-we-get-better to how-can-we-preserve-what-we-have, we have crossed that line. Good news: We can always turn around and cross the line in the other direction.

Excellent or Excellain't. We get to choose. And, tomorrow, we get to choose again.

Friction

When humans gather.........there's friction. When humans work together ......... there's friction. When humans compete ......... there's friction. When humans attempt great things ......... there's friction. 

The friction is triggered by:

• Who or who does not get the drumstick from the plate of fried chicken.
• Who or who does not get to shower first each evening.
• Who or who does not get the prime property in the inheritance.
• Who or who does not get named deacon.
• Who or who does not get the job promotion.
• Who or who does not get to make the final decision.
• Who or who does not get front-row seating.

The friction exists at the family, church, school, city, county, state, national, and international levels. Almost always, friction results over concerns related to status, privilege, or resources.

The wisest leaders I know somehow "manage" the inevitable friction. How?

• They invite all to the table and honor the various perspectives.
• They exhibit respectful behavior, persistently.
• They LISTEN -- carefully, fully, relationally.
• They guide us in crafting a clear vision of betterness, then communicate it relentlessly.
• They clarify roles so that everyone knows how they can contribute meaningfully.
• They press for the WE achievements, and resist creating winner-loser structures.
• They honor how we "feel" but pull our attention and discussion always back to the data that describes our desired outcomes.
• They help us understand when the friction impedes our progress. 

Honorable leadership practice is a tough slog. Probably the reason leaders of that ilk are so hard to find.

JackassAvoidance

Most of us have dealt with jackasses. They're not much fun.....to be around, to work with, or to work for.

Even worse is when we begin to sense that we may be displaying some jackass-ish behaviors ourselves. Seeing and admitting that we may, in fact, being emanating some of those off-putting manifestations is an excellent way to start the process of shelving them.

What do jackasses look and sound like?

• We/They don't listen to others deeply and with an open mind.
• We/They forget to focus on the BIG picture stuff, perseverating on the inconsequential.
• We/They view others (including teammates) as enemies and competitors. 
• We/They seem completely unwilling to change our/their minds.
• We/They attempt to drown out or censor the voices/opinions of others, instead of engaging in authentic discourse and dialogue.

Looking at the jackass in the mirror is an excellent way to keep more friends, enjoy the workplace a bit more, affect more productivity in our endeavors, improve personal and organizational outcomes.....................................and be a little happier with ourselves.

There's always a mirror handy.

LeadershipLevity

Leaders and leadership teams in organizations deal with a lot of s$#%. The easy-to-solve problems and dilemmas are not the ones that walk into their doors or make it onto their meeting agendas.

Dealing with complex, recalcitrant, even intractable issues (and people) often raises hackles, creates friction, and heightens conflict.

The best leaders I know have learned that a little humor goes a long way in those settings. Adding a little levity in tense environments often raises the level of engagement while lowering the degree of contentiousness. These skillful leaders often employ one of the strategies used by improvisational comedians which is to "never block and always roll." 

"Yes, and...." is a much better starting phrase than "Yeah, but..." Likewise, "How might we..." is a better stem for problem-solving conversation than "We can't and here's why..."

IF we hope to craft impactful solutions, that is. Lighten up!

TeacHer(o)

Most of us have had Teachers who shaped us. The most impactful ones understand that we DON'T need them for….... the content or to rank/sort us. 

Those stellar Teachers know that we DO need them for…

• Relationship 
• Insight (that comes from their experience) 
• Encouragement 
• Direction/Redirection

Not all of mine were professionally "certified" Teachers. Some were …
Parents and Grandparents
    Bosses 
        Colleagues 
            My Students
                Friends

Still, each was or is a TeacherHero in their own right. They have taught me much, and still are.

Gotta run. Time to pay it back/forward...

Engage(d)

I admire immensely folks who are skillful at engaging with others. They have the ability to, somehow, make us feel at ease in their presence. 

These engagement artisans have numerous "tools" they leverage to make the rest of us feel heard, seen, valued, and respected. Here are some of the things these engagemeisters do:

• They ask penetrating questions which invite us to reveal our knowledge, feelings, and positions.
• They display transparency and vulnerability in their own words and demeanor.
• They LISTEN intently as we share our thoughts.
• The exude kindness.
• They offer praise and thanks freely.
• They are fully present during the interaction.
• They seek, always, to build bridges instead of walls.

Just imagine a day in which we might encounter nothing other than these kinds of folks. (Or maybe just a few of them.)

How rewarding might our own days be if we could learn to behave in this way?

InfluencerJam

The wisest leaders I know understand that it takes a TEAM to accomplish significant impact. Thus, those leaders are always on the hunt for, and committed to the development of, influencers. 

How do they do that?

1. Find and connect with 'em - Pay attention to the "landscape," looking for those who not only do good work, but seem to draw it out of others. Get to know them. Talk to them. Listen to them. Learn with and from them. Lean into them. Connect dots with both their personal and professional interests. 
2. Build their capacity - Provide opportunities and access that align with their gifts and talent. Connect them with others in our network. Create mechanisms by which we learn with and from them. 
3. Shape their work - Consistently keep the organizational Vision at the center of our/their attention. Pull and push our Team toward that Vision. De-emphasize or remove elements that impede those efforts. Implement systems that challenge, not threaten, those influencers. 
4. Praise and promote them - Notice, acknowledge, praise, promote, and yes, sometimes "lose" them to their ambitions beyond our organization. Influence is reciprocal in nature. 

Influencers can work with or for pretty much anyone of their choosing. So, why would they pick us to work with?

The "jam" of influential leaders is heavily weighted toward influencing the influencers.

"The road goes on forever, and the party never ends..."

Two-Juice

Most organizational leaders have way too much to do. Too much paperwork, too much homework, too much putting out of fires, too much cleaning up of messes, too many meetings, too much "stuff."

Often neglected are the powerful one-to-one engagements with folks on the team. One-to-one equals TWO.

In my early years as an organizational leader, my lovely bride (now of 47 years) would gently remind me of the following: "Take care of the people, and they'll help you take care of the stuff."

Wise words then; wise words now.

There are huge benefits to spending a little one-to-one time with team players. In each of those Divine Appointments we can:

• Underscore their value
• Express appreciation
• LISTEN
• Laugh
• Empathize
• Clarify vision
• Demonstrate care

Those brief two-way conversations provide positive energy to both parties. And both need it.

Tinker-nacity

Knowledge is cumulative. We build on it one "block" or "straw" or "brick" at a time. Research steadily pushes the boundaries outward, but so does the collective application of that knowledge in science, the arts, crafts, and professions.  

Doubt it? Just do an internet search for hacks on how to change the oil in your lawnmower, or prune your trees, or improve your tennis backstroke, or identify legal tax deductions. 

Never have we had access to more knowledge, more quickly, in a wider variety of formats. Thus, the body of knowledge is expanding at an amazing speed.

Whatever our chosen interests, we can learn more about it and get better at it ... faster than ever.

The first decision, however, is the CHOICE to learn and to get better.

Step #1: GO!

RecalcitranceRemediation

Resistors, slow-rollers, blockers all have well-earned reputations. They often bring organizational improvement to a standstill. But not always...

All organizations have the Cadre of the Recalcitrant. So, how best do we navigate their resistance?

Consider these strategies:

• Seek counsel from wise others outside our organization. Perhaps we're missing something that is giving the resistors reason to push back or credence in the eyes of others.
• Keep communications open, even if painful. Transparency must prevail to keep various factions from digging more deeply in.
• Do our homework. In each meeting and in each individual encounter we are wise to be armed with the best and most current relevant data, and to be prepared to share our highest aspirations for the team in clear and understandable terms. High ground is almost always the best ground.
• Keep our communications clean, clear, forthright, and "on the business." It is never productive for us to attack the character or personality of others.
• Stay focused on the good and the positive. Negativity is a strong attractor, but what it attracts mostly is more negativity. People appreciate a genuinely positive perspective and optimistic voice, even if it's a lonely one.
• Be the change we desire. Integrity is when our words and our actions are highly aligned. Folks appreciate (often admire) it, even if they're afraid to say so.

Breaking through bottlenecks and barriers is a tough slog. 

Let's make sure we're pursuing worthy and noble goals, then engage the challenge presented by the Cadre of the Recalcitrant with vigor and zeal.

FoodDefense

I recently read In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto by Michael Pollan (2008). 

 

MP makes a strong case in this book that a traditional diet, rather than the modern western diet of fast and highly processed food, is a better way to eat and live. He also embeds within it some simple and pithy guidance on how we can eat healthier.

 

My top takeaways:

·       “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” (p. 1)

·       Even the simplest natural foods (e.g., carrots, potatoes, etc.) are immensely complicated things.

·       Our digestive tract has roughly as many neurons (yep, neurons) as our spinal column. 

·       Much of science is reductionist; scientist study what they can see and measure.

·       The human brain craves glucose – aka SUGAR. 

·       When industry figured out how to transform the seeds of grasses into the chemical equivalent of sugar, the train left the station.

·       The modern western diet is made up predominantly of processed corn, soybeans, rice, and wheat.

·       Shop the perimeter of the supermarket; stay out of the middle aisles.

·       Don’t get your body’s fuel from the same place your car does.

 

My favorite quotes:

 

“What would happen if we were to start thinking about food as less of a thing and more of a relationship?” (p. 102)

 

“Our personal health cannot be divorced from the health of the entire food web.” (p. 103)

 

“An American born in 2000 has a 1 in 3 chance of developing diabetes in his lifetime; the risk is even greater for a Hispanic American or African American.” (p. 137) 

 

“Cult? There is a lot more religion in science than you might expect.” (p. 140)

 

“Don’t eat anything your great grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food.” (p. 148)

This book, like most of MP’s writing, is easy to read and “digest” (pun intended). You won’t regret reading it.

TrustBusters

The best leaders I know work double-time to foster trust. They understand that magic occurs when there is a high level of trust among and between members of the organization. Those impactful leaders strive to be exemplars of behaviors that foster trust.

Here are some well-documented Trust Busters:

• One-sided communications
• Absence of transparency
• Lack of integrity
• Hubris
• Abuse of power
• Outright dishonesty
• Exclusive, rather than inclusive, practices

How can we foster trust? A good start would be to scratch those seven elements off of our to-do list.

Trust lost is almost impossible to regain. Gaining and holding trust requires intentional and persistent work.

We can start right now...

MEchanic

The craft and process of betterment seeking is intensely personal. It starts with LEARNING and results in MEchanicing (aka fixing) the things in ourselves we think might "run" a little better.

When we're tinkering on ourselves, we LEARN through multiple channels:

• By observing those we admire and attempting to copy their ways of thinking and behaving.
• By paying attention to anti-examples -- those we do not particularly admire -- and working to eradicate those kinds of thinking/behavior out of our own.
• By studying intensely -- via written word, podcasts, videos, personal conversations -- the strategies and habits we believe will move us toward becoming the best version of ourselves.

When we're truly committed to getting better, every day, on purpose, we really don't have the time to "fix" others. 

Being a MEchanic is pretty much a full-time job.

ExcellenceMissed

Of course it is!

We fall short of Excellence for two primary reasons:

1) We weren't striving for Excellence in the first place. It's much safer to aim low, stay off the radar, caste blame, not care, give up.

2) We were striving for Excellence, which is a bold, worthy, and illusive undertaking. We may have missed by an inch or even a mile, but at least we were pushing our limits toward betterness. Even those who occasionally do achieve Excellence have an extremely difficult time sustaining it.

Pursuit of Excellence is not for sissies. It is, however, for those who want to be better, to do better, to leave the world a better place than we found it.

Let's roll!

UnreasonableHospitality

I recently read Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More Than They Expect by Will Guidara (2022). 

WG is a high-end restauranteur in New York City. He and his team have garnered acclaim both in the U.S. and internationally.

 My top takeaways:

·       We can think of service as “black and white,” but hospitality is what adds the “color.”

·       Genuine hospitality means making others feel valued, seen, a part, welcome.

·       Providing hospitality can also be a selfish pleasure.

·       There is tremendous nobility in making the choice to serve others.

·       Hospitality can be expressed in almost any vocational or professional field. 

·       The enthusiasm of one person can be the genesis of extraordinary things.

·       Let our energy impact those to whom we are speaking, rather than the other way around.

·       “Cult” is short for “Culture.” An interesting assertion.

·       Culture is caught, not taught.

·       Learning a system from the ground up has tremendous value.

·       The 95/5 Rule: Spend 95% of your business resources scrupulously, the other 5% foolishly.

·       We all -- especially leaders -- need someone who in our inner circle who feels comfortable telling us when we aren’t acting as the best version of ourself.

·       Find and leverage the strengths of each team member, no matter how deeply buried those strengths may be. 

·       Keep emotion out of criticism.

·       Every hire sends a message. 

·       Hire slow, fire fast (judiciously).

·       Being intentional is important; articulating it to the team is more so.

·       “It might not work” is a terrible reason not to try.

·       Excellence is the culmination of thousands of details executed perfectly.

·       Channeling Walt Disney: “People can feel perfection.”

·       Management key: How we choose to praise + How we choose to criticize = Level of success.

·       There is a difference in being attentive and paying attention.

·       The opposite of a good idea can, and should be, a good idea.

·       Better things happen when we can replace “transactional” with “transformational.”

·       Seeking to replace monologue with dialogue almost always yields better results.

 

My favorite quotes:

 

“Fads fade and cycle, but the human desire to be taken care of never goes away.” (p. 5)

 

“Some of the best advice I ever got about starting in a new organization is: Don’t cannonball. Ease into the pool. I’ve passed this advice on to those joining my own: no matter how talented you are, or how much you have to add, give yourself time to understand the organization before you try to impact it.” (p. 64)

 

“You’re not always going to agree with everything you hear, but you’ve got to start by listening.” (p. 64)

 

“The day you stop reading your criticism is the day you grow complacent, and irrelevance won’t be far behind.” (p. 90)

 

“You must be able to name for yourself why your work matters.” (p. 99)

 

“The first time someone comes to you with an idea, listen closely, because how you handle it will dictate how they choose to contribute in the future.” (p. 116)

 

“One of my dad’s quotes I love the most is: ‘The secret to happiness is always having something to look forward to.’” (p. 145)

 

“It isn’t the lavishness of the gift that counts, but its pricelessness.” (p. 209)

 

“Creativity is an active process, not a passive one.” (p. 224)

 

“Start with what you want to achieve, instead of limiting yourself to what’s realistic or sustainable.” (p. 238)

 

This book reaffirmed much of what I already knew and believed, and framed some of it in new and interesting ways. It was well worth the time I spend with it.

EnergyManagement

The best leaders I know are superb at managing energy (their own and that of the organization).

Here are some of the daily disciplines they leverage:

• Relentless focus on the Vision and clarity of direction
• Continual thinking, dialogue, and action toward improvement
• Mitigation of confusion and chaos
• Attention to relationships (internal and external)
• Team centered data analysis, reflection, and adaptation
• Constant communication, transparency, and full disclosure

These impactful leaders approach the work holistically, rather than in reductionist fashion.

Yes, it's a LOT. 

But..... We really don't have enough energy or time to waste otherwise.

TeachingNaked

I recently read Teaching Naked: How Moving Technology Out of Your College Classroom Will Improve Student Learning by José Antonio Bowen (2012). My Department Chair, Dr. Joyce Farrow, put this one on my radar screen. Thankfully. 

 

My top takeaways:

·       Education has become, and will increasingly be, a highly competitive marketplace. Adaptability and nimbleness will win the day.

·       Design of learning tasks must be framed in a customized and personalized way for the individual learner.

·       We each have a personal epistemology, in that we take what we have learned (knowledge and skills) and frame it against our own contexts (beliefs, motives, aspirations, needs). 

·       Technology is a tool. Like all tools, it can be leveraged to accelerate movement toward desired outcomes -- in our case, LEARNING -- or if wrongly chosen or poorly deployed, it can inhibit the learning.

·       As educators, our product is LEARNING, not the diploma or degree.

·       In educational institutions, the educators/teachers had better be the most passionate and aggressive learners. If not, they will rightly be deemed irrelevant.

 

My favorite quotes:

 

“The problem of teaching, therefore, is not getting the facts but the context from my brain to yours.” (p. 87)

 

“Bain (2004) came to the same conclusion: The best teachers focus on challenging students in a supportive environment where failure is tolerated.” (p. 93)

 

“Today’s employer now expects anyone coming for an interview to have studied the organization’s website carefully.” (p. 151) 

 

“Every profession is becoming more like law and medicine: there is now more information than anyone can memorize and more need for analysis.” (p. 184)  

 

“Record companies fought the demise of the CD because they mistook the delivery system for the product.” (p. 259)

 

Dr. Bowen wrote this book in 2012. I read it 12 years later. He proved to be downright prescient in some of his predictions about where education was/is going. Sadly, we remain mired in some of the same educational paradigms from which he was trying to lead us.

 

Worth the read for those who love education.