Quiet

I recently read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain (2013). 

In this work, SC paints a contrasting picture between the archetypes we have come to know as either introverts or extroverts.  She also details how introverts (her own predisposition) can and do contribute mightily to the human endeavor.  SC also laments the fact that in western cultures it's the extroverts that tend to garner most of the acclaimed leadership roles. 

My biggest takeaways from the book:

• The Asch studies (1951-56) highlighted the tendency of humans to conform to groupthink, even when one knows that thinking is wrong.
• "Peer pressure, in other words, is not only unpleasant, but can actually change your view of a problem." (p. 92)
• "Temperament refers to inborn, biologically based behavioral and emotional patterns that are observable in infancy and early childhood; personality is the complex brew that emerges after cultural influence and personal experience are thrown into the mix." (p. 101)  
• Once self-aware of one’s placement on the introvert-extrovert continuum, we can situate ourselves in the appropriate "sweet spot" of social stimulation, and thus, optimize our energy and feeling of aliveness. 
• "Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently:  if you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past, and making plans for the future.  The extroverts are more likely to focus on what’s happening around them.  It’s as if extroverts are seeing 'what is' while their introverted peers are asking 'what if.'" (p. 168)   
• We can effectively manage conversations simply by asking the right questions. 
• We can help introverted kids learn to navigate life successfully by helping them learn to react to novel people, places, and events. In effect, helping them learn to process overstimulation.   
• Three simple strategies that help introvert children through uncomfortable moments:  smile, stand up straight, make eye contact. (Seems to me to be good advice for us adults, too.)       

My favorite quote:
"I discovered early on that people don’t buy from me because they understand what I’m selling ; they buy because they feel understood." - Salesman (and introvert) extraordinaire Jon Berghoffe. (p. 239) 

An informative read. 

SomeSchools

Some schools relentlessly teach and test one or more of the following things:

• * Mathematical prowess
• * The usage and conventions of language
• * Elements and processes of science
• * Versions and implications of history
• Analysis and restoration of broken stuff (from machines to relationships)
• Communicating effectively (across media, across environments)
• Identifying and resolving problems (of all kinds)
• The absolute necessity of perpetual learning
• Working effectively as a team member
• The fundamentals of stewardship
• The importance of service
• A wonderment of the planet/universe
• The power of empathy and compassion
• The richness (and relevance) the arts bring to the human experience
• Discernment skills (regarding data/motives/intentions)
• An appreciation of our integrated nature (body/mind/spirit)
• The ability to feed oneself (even if the supermarket shelves are empty)
• Modesty in victory, dignity in defeat
• The value of striving and effort (even when it results in failure)

Most schools spend a disproportionate amount of time teaching and testing the top four items in the list above (the ones with asterisks).  Why?  Sometimes because those four things are deemed useful elements of cognition.  Almost always because state and federal policies require such teaching and testing.  Too often, because those are the easiest things to teach and test.    

VERY few schools purposefully teach the items in the list that have no asterisk.  Why?  Although we would agree that all are powerful knowledge and skills for successful living, those elements are quite difficult to teach, and even more difficult to measure.  Know of a great test for grading one's commitment to serving others???  

However, some schools have decided to teach those things, quite diligently and quite deliberately (like this one - Guthrie CSD).

They're OUR children.  Let's own them fully, and raise them well.

TasksVsRelationships

Many people (those like me) tend to be the task-oriented types.  We strive to get stuff done - meetings held, schedules built, widgets made, re-orgs completed, books written, fences built.  That mindset is all well and good as long as we don't succumb to the illusion that that stuff is what is most important in life.  

Meetings, widgets, schedules, organizational charts, books and fences won't be showing up at our funerals.  And, yes, we're all hosting a funeral in the end.

The truly important things in life are the relationships we foster - with our family, with our friends, with our work colleagues, with our professional network.  It's the relationships that add richness to our minutes, days, weeks, months, and years. 

Yes, we have to get stuff done.  But when we let the stuff trump the relationships we're headed down a lonely, unfulfilling, and ultimately pointless end.  Not even the most task-oriented of us wants the percentage rise in market share we facilitated for our company to be the epitaph on our headstone.

We get to decide how to prioritize our time.  It's done every minute of every day.  We can and should choose wisely, tending toward the relational (and with the end game in mind). 

Reflection

Perhaps the most powerful tool we have by which to improve ourselves and our organizations is reflection.  That act, a function of the prefrontal cortex of the brain, is one of those things that makes us humans so unique.  We can.  Other species can't.   

Reflection is best done with discipline.  That purposeful looking back - on our actions, our strategies, our behaviors, our decisions, our results - is a robust tool by which we can formulate those all-important next steps.

Either as an individual or as a team we can (and should) schedule time regularly to ask a few very simple questions:

• What am I (are we) trying to accomplish?
• Are the goals I/we have chosen truly worthy? 
• What habits do I/we have that contribute to achieving those goals?
• What habits do I/we have that inhibit achieving those goals?
• What do I/we need to learn next?

Questions of this nature trigger some deep thinking and dialogue, which helps us stay grounded in what's important.

But only if we pause long enough to ask the questions, do the thinking, and engage in the dialogue.
 

Unsettled

"Unsettled" is a word most of us know.  It is used in numerous contexts, with nuanced meanings for each.

Sometimes debts go unsettled, creating dissonance between borrower and lender.  Sometimes social contracts get violated, leaving an unsettling dissonance between the parties.  Sometimes we get an unsettled feeling when expectations we have for others go unfulfilled, thus creating discontent and dissonance.  Sometimes the forces of Mother Nature create an unsettled environment, foretelling a storm or significant weather event, thus creating atmospheric dissonance.  

In virtually all circumstances of unsettledness, an imbalance exists.  Either the laws of nature or our intuition or our moral compass tells us that something is a bit out of whack and needs to be returned to some semblance of balance before the dissonance can be mitigated.  

When we fail to express love, affection, and appreciation to those who have positively impacted our lives we get that unsettled feeling deep down inside.  And should.

We can, at very little cost, correct that imbalance and the accompanying dissonance.  And should.

Commitment

Commitment is a two-sided coin.  It often represents a covenant founded in emotion.  When viewed in this light, commitment embodies a deep level of faithfulness and devotion to a cause/person, a self-chosen allegiance or loyalty.  In this respect, commitment almost always includes a willingness to lovingly turn a blind eye to the faults or flaws in the other/cause.

The other side of the commitment coin is the legalistic component.  In this respect, it represents a sworn responsibility or obligation.  Commitment, from this viewpoint, suggests a decision to stick with someone/something, for better or worse.  It is viewed as a contract by which we are bound.  From this cognitive perspective, we understand that holding to the commitment is in our best interest, even when not comfortable or convenient.

Deep commitment encompasses both sides of the coin, the emotional and the cognitive.  It represents a powerful tie that binds.

My brothers and I and our spouses joined Grady and Dian Coulter (our parents) for a lovely dinner last night, celebrating their 60 years of commitment to each other.  Mom and Dad have beautifully, painfully, joyfully, doggedly, blessedly honored that commitment for six decades.  

We (us "boys" and our families) are the real beneficiaries.

WIsForWasted

I recently read W is for Wasted by Sue Grafton (2016).  
  

In this novel, private investigator Kinsey Millhone finds herself the executor and sole heir of the estate of a homeless man (a long-lost and unknown uncle).  Couple this strangeness with another murder, scientific malfeasance, and familial dysfunction.  

A very interesting story told by SG, as usual, in a very entertaining way.  A good read.