TuffTalks

The most effective leaders I know are adept at having honest but tough conversations. They talk skillfully about difficult issues with team members and stakeholders, but manage to do so without alienating, demeaning, or disparaging the other.

As I watch these exceptional leaders communicate around challenging issues, here are some of the things I hear and see from them:

• They forecast thoroughly how the exchange might flow ahead of time, so that they are prepared to flex, respond, and steer the conversation as needed.
• They refuse to let the tough conversations become personal. The discourse remains constantly on the problem at hand, not the people dealing with it.
• They strive mightily to keep anger at bay, temperatures low, blood pressure down, knowing that all three marginalize the prospects for rational thought and productive solutions.
• They rarely, if ever, use the word "BUT," tending always toward the use of "AND" instead.
• They continually keep conversations forward focused, refusing to descend into blaming and recrimination. The future is their interest, not the past.
• They keep doors open, insist on transparency, and strive always to build bridges instead of walls.
• They use questions instead of demands/directives in marshaling the direction of difficult conversations. 

We can learn much from these folks..............about crafting better futures through effective dialogue.