Outsourcependency

Dependency implies that one person/group/entity relies disproportionately on another person/group/entity for the elements of sustaining life -- whether physical, intellectual, emotional-spiritual in nature.  This is not a healthy state.

Codependency is an elevated relational state of dependency, one in which the dependent party depends wholly and absolutely on the provider party for perceived wellbeing, and for life.  This is not a healthy state.

Independence is the state in which one party can exist and sustain themselves completely without the support (or even existence) of the other party.  This is a healthier relational state of existence, but quite tenuous in times/environments of limited resources.  

Interdependence is a relational state of mutual sustainability.  Both parties in this relationship bring something to the table.  It's an I-need-you-and-you-need-me arrangement, one in which both entities see the value and prospects afforded by the mutually supportive (and life-sustaining) relationship.  It is by far the healthiest form of "-pendence."

IF we outsource our wellbeing to Another, we are acting in faith that the Other has our best interest at heart.  History would advise us otherwise.

BOLDACIOUS

 Bold vs Bodacious.  I've been pondering of late the distinction between those two words.

By definition, Bold implies confidence, courageousness, even fearlessness.

Bodacious connotes an uptick in degree - excellence.

It's as if Bold is the verb and Bodacious is the noun, an outcome.

Why not both, then?  BOLDACIOUS seems about right.  

Dream big.  Be fearless.  (Wimpy seems the alternative; count me out.)

Stressequential

Optimal LEARNING (aka growth) occurs under conditions of challenge.  By definition, atrophy - the decline in effectiveness or vigor - occurs in conditions of underuse or neglect.

World class musicians know this.  Thus, they practice their craft daily, always pushing the limits upward. 

World class athletes know this.  Thus, they practice their craft daily, always pushing the limits upward. 

World class researchers know this.  Thus, they practice their craft daily, always pushing the limits upward.

A bit of discomforting stress is required for us to sharpen our skills, to push our performance upward, to clarify our thinking..........to get better - everyday, on purpose.  This truth holds across human domains - physical, cognitive, emotional-spiritual.  

World class LEARNERS know this.  Thus, they practice their craft daily, always pushing the limits upward.

Aiming for comfort yields disappointment.  Aiming for adequate yields average.  Aiming for World Class yields exceptional. 

Consequential results require consequential decisions, practices, and effort.

We get to decide, for ourselves AND for our children.  And, we can start anew each day. 

Fundamentalists

Back when I was pretending to be an athletic coach, I carefully studied the practices of numerous outstanding coaches (in various sports).  I came to understand a commonality in them:  they were all fundamentalists. 

 No, not the religious kind. 

Fundamentalists in the sense that they knew that when athletes are put into the crucible of competition, they will physically, cognitively, and emotionally default to their HABITS.

Thus, those coaches built into each and every practice session certain fundamental skills routines, to ingrain deeply the auto-responses desired under duress.  Dribble drills in basketball and form tackling in football are examples.  Do them right, every time, without having to think about it.

The best Servant Leaders I know engage in the same type of daily disciplines - the habituation of the fundamentals.  They know full well that under the pressures of organizational crises, disruptive events, tight schedules, difficult negotiations, etc., we default to deeply ingrained schemas - physically, cognitively, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Both sets of consequential leaders I've studied - the athletic coaches and the Servant Leaders - were fundamentalists.  They deliberately chose and practiced daily the default responses they deemed necessary for success. 

I'm still thankfully learning from some of those exemplars.

Learnthking

 Learning is the result of thinking.  

Learning is directly proportional to the amount of time/effort we put into thinking.  The more and more deeply we think, the more we learn.

Our thinking, and the subsequent learning we take from it, cannot be outsourced.  It's work we gotta do for ourselves.  Having teachers/guides/mentors/leaders can facilitate that process.

Pseudo teachers/guides/mentors/leaders presume to think for us and/or to tell us what to think.

Good teachers/guides/mentors/leaders actually cause us to think.

Extraordinary teachers/guides/mentors/leaders create the conditions that entice us into thinking deeply and critically.

World class teachers/guides/mentors/leaders craft environments in which we think collectively, synergistically accelerating our thinking.

More than ever, we have the power to pick our own teachers/guides/mentors/leaders.

Pick wisely.  LEARN much.

Agedom

Wisdom is often assumed to be a function of age. 

Clearly, that is not always the case.  Examples abound of folks who've managed to keep living, but somehow missed important lessons contributing to wiseness.

On a recent morning walk, Moe (my lovely bride of 43 years) noted that age simply slows the rate at which we "go the wrong way," make crappy decisions, do stupid stuff.  To be sure, youth confers on us a degree of nimbleness, agility, and speed with which we miss, or misinterpret, a lot of important details/lessons.  

Wisdom implies we've actually LEARNED something from our myriad experiences over time. 

I think Moe's onto something.  

I still head off in the wrong direction far too frequently these days.  Age has simply served to limit the range of my lostness before discovering the need to redirect.  

Maybe we should call that phenomenon Agedom (instead of wisdom).

Heroes

 For some reason the lyrics to Paul Overstreet’s song titled “Heroes” has been playing in my mind: 

“Cause you know heroes come in every shape and size
Making special sacrifices for others in her lives
No one gives them medals, the world don't know their names
But in someone's eyes, they're heroes just the same.”

 

Here are a few commonalities of some of my personal heroes:

 

> Love – somehow, they seemed to love me despite knowing me.

> Vision – they remained relentlessly focused on the big picture.

> Learning – they insisted that I LEARN, both the easy and hard lessons.

> Reflection – they modeled and required of me reflective practice.

> Kindness – kindness was the constant, even when unwarranted. 

> Steadiness – they were emotional rocks during storms of chaos. 

> Faith – they lived out their belief in a higher Being, but in myriad ways.

 

Some of my heroes have passed, but many of them are still walking around.  

 

It’s been a comforting exercise thinking about them. 

 

Makes me wanna be like them.